WARNING: Gross pictures ahead. Scroll down at your own risk.

A SOS message was sent last evening,

Dear ex-St John people, I think my bandaged foot is very swollen now. Elevating doesn’t seem to work. How now?

SK promptly replied,

Best thing is of course to put ice. But since it’s bandaged, you can’t apply ice. How about putting your foot into the fridge? Hahaha.

Very helpful… *sweats

(By the way, this isn’t the gross picture which I am talking about. Don’t be rude.)

I was scheduled for a follow up visit at Mt Alvernia this morning. The best friend now has a new concurrent appointment as the Bai Kah King’s Fulltime Driver. I’m sure you know that isn’t really an honour.

The dressing was changed and I got to see the wound and my foot. OMG!

My foot has swelled to a state that I couldn’t recognise it anymore!

Upon further understanding, my condition is a Linsfranc Fracture. Apart from the broken and dislocated bones, the ligaments on both sides of the foot are torn. The nails are going to stay there permanently, while the fine wires will be removed in six weeks’ time.

Cruz: Doctor ah, my friend asked me to ask you… How do I pass airport security in the future?

Muahahaha. It really wasn’t a question from me!

Well, some airports apparently have remarkable sensors that can detect metal embedded in humans. I might have to carry a note to certify that an operation had been done on my foot.

That is why I am considering changing my name to Wolverine Cruz Teng Chee Yong. Although some ang mohs might have a problem underlining my first, middle and last name.

After the appointment, I said I wanted a LAVISH LUNCH.

Retail therapy is out of the question, so I would have to settle for food therapy.

I absolutely regretted that.

It took me at least 30 minutes to make my way to the restaurant from the carpark. I totally didn’t enjoy the meal because I couldn’t place my bandaged foot in a comfortable position. The panting and struggling to and fro was quite unbearable.

To anyone who saw me mumbling to myself at AMK Hub earlier this afternoon, those weren’t self encouragement phrases like, “Jia You Cruz! You can do it!“. I was speaking Hokkien. And I don’t think you want to know the actual contents.

People who have received advance invitations to the King’s Recovery Party would have to wait a while more.

In the meantime, I need you guys to help me with this. Please list a couple of GOOD restaurants where bai kah people like me can visit with ease. You know, with easy access to carparks and lifts? I can’t tahan walking too much lah. Thank you

The first scowls appeared on my face 48 hours after the operation.

Oh man, my right leg is aching from all the hopping. And my armpits are sore from clutching the crutches.

Phui.

Yunhong from Shin Min talked to me over the phone on Monday morning.

Instead of calling me 笨拙男DJ, she was kind enough to label me as 人气DJ. Haiyoh. Makes me wanna LOL.

JX and JL were at the hospital just before I was discharged.

Moments before they stepped into the room, I suddenly remembered that I shouldn’t have allowed JX in! He was the one who instigated the phototaking when my godson was in hospital! I don’t want unglam pictures of myself to be posted online!

Fortunately, he’s good at photoshop.

They were there to witness my crutches orientation session and JX had this to say:

and he’s definitely not good at it, he’s merely using the crutches like a fashion accessory and pratically hopping on 1 foot.

Even at a time like this, I was reminding myself not to give everyone the same answers. Yes, the temporarily Bai Kah King had different angles for different media. I’m a pro, ok.

Dear all,

Thank you for your concern, and the calls and SMSes over the last 2 days.

The Wen Jing cum Clumsy King is back home right now.

In case you’re planning a visit, please change your itinerary and do something more exciting. I’m smelly and grouchy. And I’m still feeling incredulous that I fell into a drain and broke five bones. Damn.

And please do not send flowers and fruits to my place. I appreciate the thoughts, but please do not waste money yeah? Gam siah, gam siah.

The story is bloody long. I’m not sure if you’re interested in knowing everything. But putting this entry online will ensure that I don’t have to keep repeating myself.

I’m very tired from hopping around on one leg, you know? Hahaha

***THE INCIDENT***

We alighted at the cluster of shops adjacent to Tang Dynasty and concluded our Genting getaway. I had earlier asked the best friend to simply park my car (which he usually drives when I’m away) at my place. However, Ryan decided to drive 30km to fetch us home.

Then I fell into a drain.

What the hell!

There was a block of cement covering PART OF the drain behind the car. My left foot had barely touched that slab when my right foot, along with the rest of my body, went right into that drain which came up to my thighs.

I was about to open the boot, in case you were wondering what I was doing behind the car.

It took me a while before I could get out of the drain. They didn’t dare to touch me cos I felt a very sharp pain in my right shoulder. I had wanted to walk to the loo to clean up some abrasions on the right palm and assess the total damage (I was in St. John hor) when I realised I couldn’t land my left foot on the ground.

And so, I was driven to the hospital with a bag of ice firmly placed on the swollen foot.

***THE HOSPITAL***

I was still in high spirits initially.

Haiyah! I fall down all the time what. Won’t die one lah. Just another day in the life of Clumsy Cruz. Lalalala.

They were sniggering at my Superman Tee. Why you never fly over that drain?

Although the relatively higher blood pressure and pulse rate suggested that I was in pain, I was generally fine.

Heng hor? No injuries on the face.

And then…

***THE X RAYS***

I was in a much more sombre mood when the doctor shook his head after studying the X Rays

OMG! The bones were BROKEN! One becomes two, two become four that sort of broken!

They said TWO broken bones on Sunday evening. (Actually, there FIVE broken and dislocated bones lor…)

OMG! I must have expended my luck in mahjong and ban lat. This is the most jiak lat injury I’ve ever suffered!

OMG! I don’t know about you (and your friends), but when MY friends come back with broken, cracked, deformed, dislocated bones, the injuries are usually sports related or due to traffic accidents. No one I know has ever broken a bone by falling into a drain. In fact, no one I know has ever fallen into a drain… …

***THE SPECIALIST VISIT***

I was sent home and asked to see a specialist the next day, who promptly suggested an operation to insert several nails in my foot to secure the broken bones.

That very evening, I was pushed into the operating theatre at 7.30pm.

Far from being nervous, I was feeling very sleepy cos I didn’t get much rest the previous night. I was about to doze off when one of the girls in Theatre 2 exclaimed, OMG! Cruz Teng! I heard on air this morning that you fell down! So, you’re doing the operation here!

Everything was done under general anesthesia. I’m not trying to be garang here, but having gone through that extreme stapled haemorrhoids surgery last year, it will take a lot more than five broken bones to freak me out.

***BACK HOME***

After spending a night at the hospital, I’m back home now.

I’ll be out of action for a while.

I’m generally feeling fine, just somewhat handicapped because the left foot can’t touch the ground yet. Using the crutches which I bought at $40 (so cheap ah!) would be a safer bet, but I’ve resorted to hopping around the place, not unlike a Gummi Bear.

The pain is kept at bay with painkillers, thankfully. And I do think that my threshold of pain has significantly increased since the operation last Nov.

***THANKS***

Thanks to Aunt Pris, Ryan, Don and Kitty for staying with me at the hospital. I hope you guys had fun pushing a wheelchair around for the first time. Now you guys know that you would have to lock the wheels when your hands leave the chair right?

If I can fall into a drain and break a few bones, I’m pretty sure that those movie scenarios where someone is inflicted with further injuries after helplessly chionging down a slope in a wheelchair could actually happen to me.

To Bioskin, Osim, Singtel and Square2, I’m very sorry that there would have to be some changes to your promotions and events. And to L’Oreal, I especially regret that I wouldn’t be able to host the prestigious Colour Trophy Awards on Tuesday. You guys have spent a considerable amount of time preparing my outfit for the black tie gala event, amongst other things. Please accept my apologies.

To the 933 crew, I’d have to trouble you guys to cover my stuff for the time being. It so happened that I was going to have a rather jam packed schedule the next two weeks. And I’m sure you know how much I wanted to produce the Golden Can Awards next Friday. Before people start complaining, you guys might wanna tone down a little. I know when you guys mention my name on air, cos I get a string of SMSes all coming in at the same time.

And to everyone else whose SMSes, calls and visits kept me occupied these 2 days, thank you very much. I might have missed replying a couple of calls or SMSes, so please pardon me for that.

I broke two bones in my left foot on Sunday evening…

It is fucking painful.

***Updates at 5pm, Monday: At least 3 bones broken. Fifth one dislocated. Doing surgery at 7.30pm.

***Updates at 2pm, Tuesday: Oh! Apparently all five bones were broken and dislocated. Wow!