我，又出國了。

上個月剛在吉隆坡逗留三天兩夜，距離紐西蘭還有兩個星期，照理說是“不該出國的”。可就有那種想出國的念頭。

去哪兒呢？

我媽因為工作去了多哈，我原想去找她。 “你不要來！這裡都是沙。而且昨天48度！你去其他地方，別來這裡！”

即將飛紐約參加碩士班結業典禮的麗儀盛意拳拳，可是一個星期怎麼夠啊？

曼谷？局勢大亂，有勇氣去也未必有東西玩。

香港？一直都不是我那杯茶。林憶蓮也同意我的說法，那里和新加坡一樣，有太多大型連鎖服飾和餐飲場所，不像台北那麼有特色。

台北？差一點就去了。後來覺得太危險，因為我一定會爆肥。

東京？也很危險。我會敗掉一半身家。

北京？機票太貴，不划算。要是十八個月內第四次去北京，肯定會有人懷疑我在那里金屋藏嬌。

上海？上次和世博會的官員聊起，開幕與閉幕前後幾周是高峰期，能避就避。哦。

越南？柬埔寨？那些地方比較適合一群人同行吧？

剛好看了一篇報導，西方旅客統統避開曼谷，轉向巴厘島。又看到了朋友在FB上載了巴厘島的照片。好吧，就巴厘吧。星期二晚上訂了機票和住宿，星期三一早飛。

[ 登機前在第二搭客大廈用早餐 ]

[ 身份混亂。請告訴它，它是一杯可樂，不是咖啡。]

飛機上，亞洲人佔少數。混在一群金發碧眼的洋人之中，我一直在想2002和2005的爆炸案⋯⋯

時間倉促，巴厘島達人蔡恩來提供的那幾家別墅都客滿了。後來找到的這家，根據網站的資料，是2008年開業的。看起來不太對，如果不是他們開張時，只有本錢採購二手家具，不然就是這兩年來的住客特別粗魯。整個設備和樟宜一帶的度假屋沒有什麼兩樣。所以，別問我住哪一間，不是太值得推薦。

很多時候，我們一進酒店房間就會扭開電視。也不是對什麼節目特別感興趣，只想讓聲音塞滿原本寧靜的空間。

很多時候，我們的手機不離手。也不是在等什麼特別重要的電話，只是握著手機，會比較安心一些。

進入別墅的首36小時，我堅持不開電視，不開電腦。只有門外泳池的水流聲，還有一兩隻路過的流浪貓狗的叫聲。當然還有打開罐裝可樂的金屬聲。

我的工作面向群眾。做廣播節目見不到人，每天卻接收排山倒海的手機簡訊；戶外做節目，又常見到人山人海的局面。不是產生什麼莫名其妙的人群恐慌症，只是突然想逃亡。暫時的逃亡。我也不是累的不行，或是厭倦什麼，我只是想獨處。暫時的獨處。

臨走前有人抗議，你一個人住什麼別墅啊？太誇張了吧？ ！誰說一個人不能住別墅？我還住進了雙人間別墅。哈哈。他們的單人間都滿了，讓我暫時住進另一間。說實在的，地方太大，是有些恐怖。我住樓下，不時瞄向樓上的房間，碎碎念：拜託，不要有什麼風吹草動… …

東西放下後，迫不及待跳進泳池。哇！看雲，原來那麼有樂趣。

然後帶著一身濃濃的氯（chlorine）氣味，開始獨自探索Seminyak。

[ 這盤炒飯叫 Nasi Goreng Gila。太油了。多吃幾盤，不會Gila，只會Mati. ]

餐館和spa林立，還有出租車子和摩托車的小店。除了Polo Ralph，其他時尚品牌缺席，有的是他們當地設計師的作品。對了，有沒有人可以跟我說，這個美國牌子為什麼在印尼變成了廉價商品？下午三點，陽光還是讓人無法完整睜開雙眼，豆大般的汗水直流。趕快買雙拖鞋，回去我的避暑山莊吧。是，走得匆忙，忘了帶拖鞋。

這幾年去台北和北京，除了狂吃，也帶回好幾本書。總是在飛機上看了前面幾頁，回國後不了了之。嗯，這次在巴厘要是沒看龍應台的「大江大海 一九四九」，我應該找不到機會翻開這本震撼人心的佳作了。

邊看書邊做日光浴，熱了跳入泳池，渴了伸手拿飲料。循環做著。不清楚幾點了，也不知道手機在哪個角落。反正就是一個任何人​​都找不到我，我也找不到任何人的下午。

前一個晚上只睡了三個小時，我知道我自己一定會在晚餐前先見周公一面。醒來時，已經是晚上八點多，走到下午路過的Spa。 90分鐘後，帶著極度舒暢的身心，淋著雨走進最靠近的餐館。就牛肉漢堡吧。

上一次使用蚊帳，應該是在德光島。永遠記得凌晨4點45分，光著頭的新兵，蹲在地上折綠色蚊帳的畫面。 “晚上掛起來，不到幾個小時又要折起。也太勞師動眾了吧。”

在巴厘島的第二天，雨一直下。早上11點賴在被窩，聽見雨聲，乾脆繼續抱頭大睡。下午2點，暫時放晴，我衝上大街買了牙膏。午夜12點30分睡覺前，才發現他們沒有提供牙膏。我自己帶了一把牙刷－因為不喜歡用一般酒店提供，粗到不行，像是用來洗馬桶的刷子。才剛刷完牙，又下雨了。

無法游泳－又或者說是無法泡水，我待在室內看書。單人間別墅和上一間不同的是，它設有客廳。但那客廳也太有“情調”了，要是坐在沙發上看書，我的激光矯正近視手術肯定功虧一簣。抓起一把薯片當早／午餐，就攤在客廳的地上，讓桌燈直射，繼續探索上一代人的一九四九。

隔天，我推測我大概是整個渡假村最遲吃早餐的人。 “哦，你們的早餐服務到11點？好吧，請你們10點55分派人過來。”他們就在房門外的小廚房現場準備早餐。

[ 用的是Fettuccine和三文魚。煮法是把所有材料扔進鍋里大炒一番。整個感覺太奇怪了。傳說中把麵條從中國帶到西方的馬可波羅不知有何感想。]

一路上坑坑洞洞，一灘又一灘污水，還有腳板上殘留的按摩油。我還真的是“一步一腳印”。原來三年前的腳傷到現在還會隱隱作痛。原來我還是必須穿著厚厚的鞋子，面對崎嶇不平的道路。

濕漉漉地走進Seminyak Square的一家超級市場。很高級，擺明是對準老外的。因為門口有警衛拿著金屬探測器，對所有顧客一一進行安檢。

走了兩圈，還是沒找到紅酒。哦，原來有特別的房間，是要工作人員帶你進去的。再挑了一包芝士和餅乾，企圖上演一個人的品味生活。

I vowed that I will make this a great month. So far, so good. Plenty of lunch and dinner dates. Plenty of catching up with some gossiping and bitching thrown in.

Japanese dinner with two long time confidantes. The service at San-Sui was impeccable.

A table for 10 in the middle of the week. No reasons required. Just eat. And we adjourned to this place for desserts. The chocolate thingy was like woah, one of the best I’ve ever had.

To counter my heatiness, I’ve been having celery and green apple juice lately. And because I need some caffeine to power up the mornings, there was coffee alongside the obligatory can of Coke.

And I was distracted one morning by a front page advertisment on TODAY. That piece of roast meat was so tantalising! An hour later, Chongqing came in to ask if I wanted anything from the canteen. Unexpectedly, the roast meat was ready by 9.30am!

Lovely.

My third blog award nomination in six months.

This isn’t an entry to ask you to vote. I haven’t won a blog award before, and I don’t think I will anytime soon. Let’s not waste time and watch from the sidelines.

This is to simply thank the organisers and the guys who nominated cruzteng.com.

A few more times, and I’ll be the winner of the “Most-Nominations-But-Did-Not-Win” Award.

In 8 Days this week, Jason Hahn and his friends, Amanda and Saffy write letters to themselves. They were inspired by a book called Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self.

Here’s mine.

***

Dear Me,

You are a genius! You were so right when you told yourself at Sec. 2, that you do not have to take triple science at ‘O’ Levels to earn a living. You see, by the time, you grow up, the Americans and the rest of the world would have come up with something called the Internet. 90% of the population does not have to understand velocity and magnitude. Unless one becomes a scientist or a hawker, one does not need to know how a frog should be dissected either. And if they ever need to find out what the elements listed on the periodic table are, all they have to do would be to google it. Stop pointing out people’s spelling and grammatical errors like you always do! Google, in the 21st century, would first be known as a noun, and later a verb.

Forget about the sciences and humanities, but you ought to pay more attention in Mathematics. Understand the meaning of compound interest. Do not squander your earnings away. $ave money! $traighten your finger$ and hold them tight. You see the gap$ in between? It means that you’re a crazy $pender. You need to be more prudent in your finance$ hor.

And you really should do more sports. Stop feigning diarrhoea during PE. Run, lift weights, whatever. You’ll then be spared snide remarks about your weight. It’s a good thing you’re not short, else you’ll look like a giant meatball. Trust me, shed some flab, and you’ll look fab. And you’ll find yourself at the top of each and every eligible bachelor list, and not at the bottom of some lousy drain. Make that TWO lousy drains. Be on red alert mode every single time you approach a drain. Especially when you’re on Pulau Tekong or at Jurong.

A couple of years from now, an army mate will introduce you to someone. Ignore that invite. Do not go. I repeat, do not go. Stay at home and tidy up your room. (You’ll take three weeks before you’re done.) However if you do go out, and get your heart broken, do not ever try to write a song. You’ll regret it deeply once that awful memory is etched forever in history.

Some of your friends are attending career counselling sessions, and spending a whole lot of time deciding which post secondary institution to go to. You don’t waste time. Just pack your room. Everything will fall in place. Really.

Do not waste time in filling up the application form for a course in Mass Comms. You’re such a lazy ass, you won’t be able to complete all the tedious projects. You’ll find yourself in Business, one of the easiest courses ever. And because you probably accumulated enough karma in your previous lives, poly life will be a breeze. You won’t fail because you’ll have such an awesome bunch of classmates helping you at different stages. And don’t sweat over the occasional Cs and Ds. Your diploma isn’t going to help in your work later on. Not much lah.

Now, about work. You must remain ever grateful to the Universe. Just before you complete your National Service, someone will liberalise the media industry. That will turn out to be a bloody mistake. (Yes, someone will utter the words, “Both companies are bleeding.”) A vacuum will be created before they realize the error, and you’ll land yourself a dream job in a dream environment.

Astrologists have concluded that people born on 18 Sep are fiercely private people who have very public occupations. Kinda weird. And it gets weirder when people come to you for photographs. Those poor dears don’t have dimples as deep as yours, so do entertain every pic request unless you’re having a bad hair day.

You will talk for a living, but you must learn to shut up at appropriate intervals. There will be people scrutinizing your every sentence, and every movement. Do not give anyone the chance to sabotage you. And because you should not sabotage yourself, you must delete the Hokkien phrase Lim Beh from your vocabulary immediately. Just use I, me, myself, etc when referring to yourself. Either that, or you should have the Ministry of Education tell everyone that the phrase is crude at most, but certainly not vulgar.

While you’ll be really happy at your first job, you can always do with a contingency plan.

I want you to place bets for the following Toto draws.

28 Jan 08 – 2, 7, 11, 25, 29, 30
31 Jan 08 – 7, 12, 13, 17, 29, 38
04 Feb 08 – 3, 9, 19, 27, 43, 44
07 Feb 08 – 1, 3, 18, 27, 36, 37

Once you have millions of SGD in your pocket, I want you to donate a sum to charity. Then give some to your family. And buy a house at Sentosa Cove once the area is ready. It’s not because I want you to be neighbors with some wax figures or marine creatures. You’ll know why when the time comes.

Woohoo,

Me